REDEFINING WHAT IT MEANS TO WIN

Each month, Dr. E addresses your sports psychology challenges head-on. Need advice? Scan the QR code to submit a question!

Dear Dr. E: A few of my team’s players have a bad attitude, and it’s affecting morale. How can I convince them that even though we don’t always win, we can still have fun?
—Losing It

Dear Losing It: One of my favorite things to see during a hockey game is the teammates coming over to pat the goalie’s helmet, not only after a save is made but also when a shot is let in. It shows that, good or bad, the teammates still support each other— that they are an undeniable unit. It sounds to me like your team may need a reminder about this kind of support and you might be in the perfect position to take the lead.

• Talk to your coach and your parents. Explain what you see on and off the bench.
• Lead by example. Cheer on your teammates and offer comfort when setbacks occur. Don’t be afraid to be silly and have fun.
• Coordinate off-ice activities that bring the team together socially.
  • Invite the team to watch Miracle (a quintessential underdog story).
  • Take on a team volunteer project together.
  • Record your games and set aside time to review the game footage to discuss what went well and what can be improved.

By working with your coach, parents, and teammates, you can help redefine what it means to be a winning team. A supportive environment boosts morale and brings out the best in everybody, which always feels good.
—Dr. E.

Dear Dr E: My son used to love playing basketball, but he’s moving into a new age bracket this year. A few bad tryouts and comparisons to other players has made him want to hang up his sneakers for good. How do we know if we should trust his opinion and let him quit or push him to keep playing?
—Dad at a Crossroads

Dear Dad: It is hard to see your child wrestle with continuing to play a sport or not. We, as parents, sometimes get more attached to the game than our kids, and like any loss, it can feel sad. The key to your son’s situation, however, is to help him navigate why he wants to give up basketball. Is it in favor of something else? Is it a time issue? Is it the teammates or the coach? Or is it because he isn’t feeling confident enough in himself?

The first few options are easily solvable but sometimes less obvious to our kids. When accustomed to playing with a particular league, coach, or group of kids, realizing that other options are available can be difficult; some options may include joining a rec league where the pressure might be less, finding a practice schedule that works better for your family, or simply carving out time to work on skills or relationships outside of the team dynamic.

If, however, you feel that something bigger is affecting your son’s motivation, it might be time to seek the help of a professional sports psychologist. There could be underlying anxiety, stress, or resiliency issues that are contributing to his unwillingness to play. Dedication, love of the game, and the right mindset can often make a world of difference.
—Dr. E.

Specializing in peak performance and sports psychology, EleVive helps student-athletes master their mental game. Learn more at EleVive.com.