WELLNESS: QUIT HAPPENS. IS IT GIVING UP OR GROWING UP?

How to understand if your child’s desire to quit a sport is taking the easy way out—or the ultimate power move.

Each month, peak performance sports psychologist (and fellow parent) Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo tackles your toughest questions head-on.

Dear Dr. E.—
After years of playing soccer, my son suddenly wants to quit. He has played ever since he was a little boy, so this decision surprised us. I know high school has more pressures, but I thought this was a good outlet for him. How can I trust that he is doing the right thing?—Confused Soccer Mom

Dear Confused—
Parenting a student-athlete can be challenging. We feel their wins and setbacks, drive them to practices, and spend our weekends at games. When it ends, there is a void that is hard to replace. Knowing when to push them to continue or to respect their decision to stop is tough.

Before jumping to conclusions, however, be sure to check your own emotional interests and then ask to talk about it with him.
Find out why. What are his aspirations with his sport? If he plays soccer for fun, with no goal of playing in college, it could be that he sees it as a hobby and simply wants to try something new.

If your son is in the right mental state about why he is quitting, follow his lead, and remind him that the beauty of sports is that he can always go back to it—on his terms and when the timing is right.

On the other hand, if you get the impression that something deeper is going on, trust your gut.

Some common complaints of frustration that I hear in my coaching sessions are:

• Burned out and in need of a break. Even if you love a sport, taking a mental health break is okay. Sometimes, the pressure, time commitments, and physical exhaustion can become too much. It takes courage to know when to walk away.
• Personal conflict. Having an issue with a coach or fellow teammate is hard, but it doesn’t always mean it is time to give up. It might be time to talk to your child about ways to work around someone you don’t like.
• Focus on something new. As your students’ social and educational circles expand, so do their interests. It is not uncommon for students to want to mix it up a bit, especially if they have played only one sport for a long time.

Any of these scenarios can trigger negative emotions—it is essential to talk to your child about finding ways to work through them and get to the heart of the issue.

When you’re in the Red Zone, you want to do anything to make the bad feelings stop, even if that means quitting. However, it’s important to remember that the soundest solution at the moment might not be the best in the long run. Ask your student-athlete if they aren’t playing this sport anymore, how they plan to fill their newfound free time? Weigh the pros and cons with them and let them know that whatever they choose, they have your support. If emotions are running high and it feels beyond your parenting skills, a sports psychologist can help.—Dr. E.

Would your student-athlete benefit from talking with a professional? Dr. E helps high schoolers master their mental game and achieve peak performance in school, sports, and life. Learn more at EleVive.com.