THE PRESSURE TRAP

Is your young athlete doing too much? How to spot overload early—and teach balance for life.

EACH  MONTH,  peak  performance sports psychologist (and fellow North Shore parent) Dr. E tackles your toughest questions head-on.

Dear Dr. E.—

My daughter is doing everything: lacrosse, AP classes, club leadership, Model UN, and somehow still manages to show up for her friends. On paper, she’s thriving. At home, she’s exhausted and stuck in a loop of “not good enough.” Anytime I suggest easing up, she says, “I need this to get into college.” I don’t want to hold her back, but I worry she’s running on fumes. How can I help her find balance before she burns out?

—Overscheduled, Overwhelmed, and Over It

Dear Over It—

Oof. This is a big one—and one I hear a lot, from both parents and the high-achieving student-athletes I coach. It’s not always easy to spot when healthy ambition crosses the line into unhealthy pressure.

Why So Many Kids Are Overloaded

With travel leagues starting as young as six, kids are told early that they need to stand out—in every arena. Soon, it’s advanced classes, club sports, and stacked résumés. College admissions have never been more competitive. Then there’s social media, where kids compare their behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s highlight reel. It’s easy to see how “doing it all” becomes the new normal.

Often, it’s not just about achievement, it’s about identity

Your daughter might be driven by perfectionism, fear of falling behind, or a deep need to prove herself. That’s why it’s so important to understand what’s fueling her drive before trying to dial it down.

Could you be (accidentally) adding to the pressure?

Most parents have the best intentions. We cheer our kids on, ask about grades and games, and fill their schedules to keep them focused. But sometimes, without realizing it, we reinforce the very pressure we’re trying to ease. When we focus on outcomes instead of effort—“Did you win?” instead of “How did it feel to play?”—we can send the message that results matter more than the experience. And when we pack their schedule to keep them off screens, we may be crowding out the unstructured downtime they need to recharge. The good news? Noticing our own habits is the first step in helping them build better ones.

Three signs your child might be overloaded.

• They’re constantly wiped—physically, mentally, or emotionally.
• They melt down before games, tests, or performances.
• They’ve lost motivation for things they used to love.

If you’re nodding yes, it’s time to help them reset.

Help your kid shift from “doing everything” to “doing what matters most.”

• Start with curiosity: “I’ve noticed you’ve been really tired and kind of stressed lately—how are you feeling about everything you’ve got going on?”
• Affirm their effort: “I’m so proud of how hard you work—in sports, school, and everything else too. I know it’s a lot.”
• Offer support, not solutions: “If you ever want to take a breather or change things up, I’ve got your back. We can figure it out together.

Learning to set boundaries and recognize limits

isn’t a weakness—it’s a skill. And it’s one that helps your child stay connected to the things they love without burning out along the way.

Model balance

Help them practice the hard stuff: saying no, checking in, and choosing what matters most.

With your support, your high achiever can stay passionate and driven—without driving themselves into the ground.

—Dr. E.

Need more support? Dr. E helps high-achieving teens strengthen their mental game and build resilience in school, sports, and life. Learn more at EleVive.com.