SKIP PERFECTIONISM

As a clinical psychologist and coach who works with teens, one trend I am seeing in our adolescents is a rise in perfectionism. While some associate perfectionism with having a neat junk drawer (think every pen neatly aligned and paper clips stacked according to size and color), it is actually much broader than that.

In my book Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create the Life You Love, I define perfectionism as an all-or-nothing, perfect-or-failure, perfect-or-forget-it mentality.

A great example of society’s pervasive perfectionism can be seen in New Year’s resolutions. January 1, people give up all sugar and junk food. Then January 2 materializes. One cookie is consumed, and the perfectionistic mindset justifies, “I had one cookie and ruined my diet; might as well eat the whole plate.”

Social media is at least partially to blame for this rise in perfectionism in our youth. Seeing snapshots of the perfect vacation, the perfect party, the perfect outfit can result in the belief that everyone else is better than they are. (As I often remind people, everyone looks good with a filter.)

Even without social media, however, our teens are comparing themselves more and more to others, often feeling as though they fall short. This can cause heightened stress, anxiety and less-than-stellar performance.

How does perfectionism show up in our student athletes? Here are a few examples.

Making one mistake during a competition and not being able to let it go. The focus on one error is fueled by the belief, “I messed up. I will never get recruited now.” Performance plummets as a result.

An athlete does not make their desired club team. “I am a failure; I might as well quit the sport.”

Anxiety over being able to perform in their sport leads to procrastination and even avoidance of executing key training components.

Overtraining in an attempt to perform better, which results in injury and/or burnout.

Perfectionism is often associated with anxiety, worry about what might happen, depression, eating disorders, burnout, and procrastination. All of these can lead to further hindrances in optimal sports performance.

So how can we help our youth overcome perfectionism?

Tell a perfectionist something doesn’t have to be perfect, and they will likely outwardly agree. However, deep down, they will vehemently disagree. Why? Because a perfectionist thinks in all-or-nothing terms, something is either perfect or it’s a failure. And then a perfectionist takes it one step further, believing, “If it’s a failure, then I’m a failure.” You see, it is actually the intense fear of failure that perpetuates perfectionism.

At EleVive, we provide mind skills training to help our athletes thrive. And when working with athletes, they learn specific strategies to be Better Than Perfect.

What is Better Than Perfect? During an interview on this topic for The Today Show, Kathy Lee Gifford Looked at me before the camera started rolling. She asked, “Better than Perfect? I spent my whole life trying to be perfect, and now I have to be better than perfect?” But, in actuality, Better than Perfect is less stressful than perfectionism.

Better Than Perfect takes all of the “good” from perfectionism, the striving for excellence, pushing yourself to be even better, the drive to win. However, it gets rid of the toxic aspects of perfectionism, such as never feeling good enough, that inner critic taking over your mind, feeling like a failure from one mistake.

One component of being Better Than Perfect is embracing the motto: It’s not failure; it’s data. By data, I mean information that can be used to learn, to grow, to make things better now and in the future.

How does being Better Than Perfect benefit sports performance? Here are some examples.

A hockey player’s shot completely misses the goal. They realize their high level of stress lead to being impulsive. Using techniques that they learned through EleVive, they are able to control their distress and score the next goal.

A basketball player loses possession of the ball. Rather than beat themselves up, they quickly assess what happened and use that information to maintain possession next time.

A gymnast cannot execute their exact pre-competition routine. Rather than feel anxious and convinced this means they will perform poorly that day, they do what they can and focus on their visualization instead of fearing they have jinxed their performance.

When athletes can learn to apply the skills of being Better Than Perfect, their stress level reduces, and their performance enhances. An extra bonus: they enjoy the play of the sport even more.

How can we help your athlete thrive even more? Contact us at EleVive.com.