FORGET PERFECT: HOW TO HELP YOUR ATHLETE OVERCOME THE PRESSURE TO BE FLAWLESS

Release your athlete from the burden of perfectionism and unlock their freedom to play.

Each month, peak performance sports psychologist (and fellow parent) Dr. E tackles your toughest questions head-on.

Dear Dr. E.—
My athlete holds themselves to incredibly high standards, and when they fall short, even slightly, it’s like the world is ending. One missed shot, one bad rep, and they shut down. I want them to push themselves, but this perfectionism is draining all the joy out of their sport. How do I help?
—Tired of All-or-Nothing

Dear All-or-Nothing—
You’ve named one of the most common (but least recognized) performance traps in youth sports: perfectionism. Not the “I want to be great” kind. The “If I’m not perfect, I’ve failed” kind.

This mindset looks like high standards, but it’s fueled by fear. Fear of letting people down. Fear of being judged. Fear of not being enough. And when that fear kicks in, it doesn’t drive performance, it chokes it.

Here’s how perfectionism sounds inside an athlete’s head:
• “One mistake means I’m not good enough.”
• “If I don’t play my best, I’ve let everyone down.”
• “There’s no point if I can’t do it perfectly.”

That’s not motivation. That’s mental quicksand. And even the most talented athletes can get stuck.

Why this mindset backfires:
Perfectionism puts the brain in a constant state of threat. It creates an all-or-nothing loop: perfect or failure, success or embarrassment. And the moment something goes wrong (as it always does in sports), the Red Zone takes over.

Your athlete might tighten up, play small, or shut down—not from lack of skill, but because their self-worth is hooked to perfection.

So, what can you do? Here are three tips:

1. Reframe the “perfect game.”
   Instead of asking, “Did you play well?” try:
   • “What challenged you today, and how did you respond?”
   • “What did you learn that will help you grow?”
   • “What’s one moment you’re proud of, even if it didn’t go perfectly?”

These questions help shift the scoreboard from outcome to process. From pressure to progress.

2. Normalize mistakes, so they don’t trigger the Red Zone.
   When your athlete ties their worth to being flawless, even a small misstep can send them into the Red Zone, where their subconscious feels like it’s drowning. And no one plays well in that state.

Remind them: every athlete makes mistakes—even the pros. What sets great athletes apart isn’t perfection; it’s how fast they recover. Celebrate resilience over stats, and progress over perfection. That shift rewires the pressure and rewrites performance.

3. Introduce mindset skills training.
   This is where real change happens. When athletes learn to spot perfectionistic thoughts, regulate the spiral they trigger, and reframe them in real time, they unlock the freedom to perform. Not perfectly. But fully.

Because here’s the truth: perfectionism feels like a strength—but it steals the very thing it promises: confidence.

Let’s help your athlete trade pressure for purpose.
—Dr. E

Talent may open the door, but mindset determines who walks through it. Dr. E equips athletes with the mental skills to rise under pressure and compete at their full potential. Learn more at EleVive.com.