ASK DR. E.

Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo is a Lake Forest psychologist and concierge life coach who is famous for her work with professional athletes. Her career as a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and media guest have made her one of the most sought-after experts in the world for those who seek to harness the power of mindset. In 2019, she founded EleVive, a business that helps teens and their parents navigate life’s challenges. Her new column in The North Shore Weekend addresses these issues and more.

Finding peace in the holiday hustle.

Dear Dr. E—
Around here, the holidays can be so stressful. With all the events, family gatherings, and expectations, how can I make this season more enjoyable for everyone, including myself?
—Festive and Frazzled in Fort Sheridan

Frazzled,
You’re not alone in feeling the strain of the season. December can be full of special experiences, nostalgic traditions, and joy-filled moments. But it can also bring on a whirlwind of stress—especially for holiday hosts.

While we can’t totally eliminate stress from our lives, we can train our brains to re-channel it in a positive way. Even when shipping delays dampen your spirit, holiday traffic slows your travel, and the in-laws come knocking.

Getting out of the Red Zone, the psychological space where stress amplifies every little issue, is key to fully enjoying this season.

Whether you’re anticipating a high-stress situation, or already in the Red Zone, I invite you to practice these stress-soothing strategies:

• Address your stress head-on. Before a potentially stressful event, calm your mind by focusing on what (and who!) you can control. If you feel your inner tension rising while you’re there, step away to catch your breath or take a quick walk. Afterwards, decompress with a little indulgence, like a warm bath or your favorite movie.
• Traditions, without the tension. Often, we overburden ourselves by striving to host a Hallmark-worthy holiday. But if an old tradition no longer brings joy, or is too stressful, consider letting it go—and making a new, peace-filled one.
• Gift yourself first. No matter the month, self-care is a gift everyone deserves. Take time to prioritize quality sleep, find a few moments to meditate on the positive, and go get a massage. Take it from me, you’ve earned it!
• This holiday season let’s leave red where it belongs—on tree trimmings, boxes, and bows.
  Dr. E

Making space for young mistakes.

Dear Dr. E—
My teen doesn’t listen to my advice, and I’m watching them make mistakes they could have easily avoided. How can I get through to them?
—Headstrong in Highland Park

Headstrong,
The teen years can be as complicated as they are confusing—for both teens and their parents. When you want to have a constructive conversation, but get little more than radio silence, it’s time for a new approach.

The key to connecting with teenagers is balancing empathy with guidance and creating a space where they can feel heard, seen, and understood—while also learning from their mistakes.

Before you eagerly share that word of wisdom:

• Listen first, lesson later. Whether you’re 13 or 113, we all hear better when we feel heard first. Listening and relating to your teen, before you offer insight, opens the door to a positive and productive conversation.
• Don’t solve. Show. Invite your teen to find the solution on their own by offering a few prompting questions to get their wheels turning. Not only does problem-solving boost their confidence, but it’s also a skill they’ll benefit from for life.
• Encourage real-life learning. No parent wants to see their child struggle, especially as a result of their own mistake. But natural consequences are some of the best lessons teens can learn. If their safety isn’t at risk, it’s okay (beneficial, even!) to give your child the space to mess up and face the music.
• Empowering your teen to make decisions, and learn from both the good and bad ones, requires patience, empathy, and understanding. But in the end, there’s no better way to help your child develop into a responsible, capable adult once they leave the nest.
  Dr. E

To contact Dr. E, visit elevive.com.