ARE YOU YOUR BIGGEST RIVAL?

Each month, Dr. E addresses your sports psychology challenges head-on. Need advice?
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Dear Dr. E.—
I love the sport of wrestling, but I hate to lose. Sometimes, I get so mad at myself when I mess up that I get anxious before my next match. I am stuck in a perpetual feedback loop of feeling bad and performing worse. How can I make it stop?
—My own worst enemy.

Dear Worst Enemy—
It’s easy to get down on yourself when things don’t go your way, but as you’ve witnessed firsthand, negative thoughts build up over time and can take a toll. Whether sad, angry, or frustrated, your subconscious Red Zone can often make you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of emotions with no escape. That repetitive behavior cycle is exhausting, and you are the only one who can break the pattern.

The next time you lose a match, stop and listen to the words you say to yourself (whether out loud or in your head). You might be surprised at how hard you are being on yourself. Would you ever call a friend stupid simply because they made a mistake? Try comforting yourself with the words you’d want to hear from someone else (your coach, a parent, a teammate) and see if that doesn’t help alleviate some of the pressure.

It’s okay to feel disappointed. Acknowledge your feelings and gently remind yourself that setbacks are just that: they don’t define you, and more often than not, they are the best way to learn and grow.
—Dr. E.

Dear Dr E.—
My daughter tends to fly off the handle when things don’t go her way. If she disagrees with a ref ’s call or is upset about her mistake, she explodes when the pressure builds up. What are the magic words to calm a stressed-out kid?
—Parent of a Hot Head

Dear Parent of Hot Head—
No one can “calm down” when in the heat of the Red Zone, and if you suggest that, it might even make things worse. Red Zone thinking impairs our ability to problem-solve and can manifest in the body as well.

My first suggestion would be to help your daughter determine where she feels stress. For example, does her stomach hurt? Does she have a headache? Then ask her to quantify her level of distress on a scale of 1 to 10. You are in the psychological Red Zone and experiencing a high level of distress when you’re at a 7 or higher. Once she can self identify the intensity of her emotions, she can begin implementing strategies to feel better.

I like teaching the student-athletes I work with to grab distress by the HELM.

H stands for halt. Don’t let anything out of your mouth (to avoid saying things we might later regret), and don’t put anything in your mouth (to avoid emotional eating).

E stands for exercise. Go for a brisk walk or do a few jumping jacks, anything that quickly gets your body moving.

L stands for laugh. Watch some funny clips on TikTok or YouTube to help your brain switch gears.

M stands for music. Create a Red Zone playlist with songs that make you want to dance and sing.

These ideas may sound simple, but once your daughter leaves the Red Zone, she can learn to be more resilient during stressful times.
—Dr. E.

Specializing in peak performance and sports psychology, EleVive helps student-athletes master their mental game. Learn more at EleVive.com.