ARE YOU DRAWING A FOUL ON YOURSELF?

Each month, Dr. E addresses your sports psychology challenges head-on. Need advice? Scan the QR code to submit a question!

Dear Dr. E.—
My Dad is extremely passionate about basketball. He loves to see me play, but sometimes it’s embarrassing how much he yells during my games—especially when he gives advice that doesn’t match up with what my coach is telling me to do. I respect them both so much, but I’m doomed always to let someone down when their advice is different. What do I do?
—Torn Between Two Coaches

Dear Torn—
Overly critical parents often are triggered by something greater than a simple bad call or play. So, when yelling from the stands gets to be too much, it can become uncomfortable for everyone.

Have you tried talking to your Dad?

Find private time at home, over dinner, or out shooting hoops with him, and ask him about what it was like when he played a sport, what his parents were like, and try to relate to his perspective.

Then be honest with him about how you feel. Consider what would be most helpful for you and ask for his support so you can focus on your game and play your best.

When in doubt, ask another adult to get involved—your coach or another parent can be your biggest ally during sensitive situations.
—Dr. E.

Dear Dr E.—
My daughter is so hard on herself. My husband and I consistently tell her that all she needs to do is try her best, and we’re happy with whatever the outcome, but that isn’t good enough for her. She sets impossibly high standards for herself, particularly when it comes to track. While we admire her determination, we also worry because it feels like she will never be satisfied with herself. How can we show our support but not add to her feelings of overthinking the situation and just enjoy the moment?
—Stuck in Overdrive

Dear Overdrive—
Overanalyzing can be mentally paralyzing. Many student-athletes suffer from self-imposed pressures. They hear you when you say you are proud of them regardless of how well they did, but they also can be stuck in a loop of comparison with their peers.

Talk to your child about what success looks like to you. How does your family define it? Focus on modeling that behavior for them.

Offer to be a listening ear. Sometimes, teens just need to vent, and often they already have their problem figured out for themselves; they just don’t know how to process the associated emotions around it.

Make sure your child prioritizes sleep, socialization, and proper eating habits.

Observe their actions and feel confident about when to step in. At the first signs of distress, talk to your kid and help them name their emotions. Parrot back what you hear and ask if they’d like your advice. Tell them about a time you had a similar issue and how you dealt with it—what worked, what didn’t, what you learned, and how you moved forward.

Knowing they can count on you in a time of need is half the battle.
—Dr. E.

Specializing in peak performance and sports psychology, EleVive helps student-athletes master their mental game. Learn more at EleVive.com.