STEP TWO OF THE STRATEGIC DIVORCE PROCESS™

Divorce is complicated. And when you’re first starting out, it’s incredibly overwhelming. The attorneys at Strategic Divorce strive to educate our clients on all relevant matters to ease the process. We believe knowledge provides strength and peace of mind. This goal of education inspired me to write The Strategic Divorce Process™.

My book breaks divorce into five distinct steps when children are involved, and two distinct steps where no children are involved. These steps are: 1. Making Decisions for Your Children; 2. Visitation; Child Support; 4. Maintenance; and 5. Division of Marital Assets and Debts.

Last month, we examined the first part of a custody agreement— decision-making. In this month’s column, we will examine the second part of a custody agreement—visitation.

It is essential that both parts of the custody agreement be outlined before any discussions regarding financials—child support, spousal support, or division of assets—occur.

Before any negotiations begin, we work with our clients to determine what parenting time they want, what they think will best meet their children’s needs, and what they think their spouse wants.

There was a perception that women were automatically granted more favorable visitation. In the past five years, we’ve seen a huge shift in the division of parenting time. Thanks to discussions surrounding a father’s rights and studies that show how kids benefit from having both parents involved in their lives, fathers are no longer forced into a minor parenting role.

Today, 50/50 visitation is much more common. For a judge to determine that one parent should be awarded more time, the attorney will need to advocate for a special schedule and give good reasons as to why the schedule is in the children’s best interests. Such reasons would include if one parent has substance abuse issues or is not home enough during the week to reasonably care for their kids or has work hours that make transportation to and from school difficult. The attorney may also argue for a special schedule if there is a significant distance between residences.

There are several different ways to determine who has the children each night. The best way is for the parents to work together to create a schedule that optimizes the quality time both parents have with their children. Some people feel that a looser schedule is more appropriate for their family because they may have an amicable co-parenting relationship and believe a visitation agreement will be too constricting. However, it is important to note that the court will not accept any agreement that doesn’t clearly outline where the children will be sleeping every night of the year.

Determining visitation can be a thorny process. Some parents are unable to agree on a schedule because the number of overnights each parent has during the year affects the amount of child support that is required to be paid. Other parents are unable to agree on a schedule because their anger and animosity prevent them from being reasonable. In these cases, the court can appoint an attorney for the children and/or a psychological professional to evaluate the family’s situation and to help make the determination.

Luckily, most parents understand that having an amicable co-parenting relationship and fostering positive connections with both parents is in the family’s best interests. Yet, in some cases hurt feelings or a desire to reduce the child support obligation take precedence. One parent may even actively try to turn the children against the other parent. In these situations, it is important to have a counsel who de-escalates the situation and helps the parties move toward a resolution, rather than an attorney who intensifies the conflict.

The custody agreement is a long, frequently complicated, and often emotionally exhausting process. But it’s usually the hardest part of the divorce, and once it is complete, the next three steps of the Strategic Divorce Process™ move more quickly.

Michone Riewer is an attorney with Strategic Divorce in Lake Bluff, 847-234-4445, strategicdivorce.com.