STEP ONE OF THE STRATEGIC DIVORCE PROCESS™

Divorce is complicated. It can be messy. And when you’re first starting out, it’s incredibly overwhelming. The attorneys at Strategic Divorce strive to educate our clients on all relevant matters to ease an often-difficult process. We believe knowledge of the divorce process provides the strength and peace of mind to complete it. This goal of education inspired me to write The Strategic Divorce Process™.

My book breaks divorce into five distinct steps when children are involved, and two distinct steps where no children are involved. These steps are: 1. Making Decisions for Your Children; Visitation; 3. Child Support; 4. Maintenance; and 5. Division of Marital Assets and Debts. In this monthly series, we will examine each topic beginning with the first step of decision-making for children.

Any divorce that involves children includes discussions around decision-making and visitation—the two components that make up the custody agreement. Decision-making for the children tends to be straightforward and uncomplicated so it is usually determined first.

There are many decisions that come up throughout a child’s life—from big ones, such as where to go to school or to have a medical procedure, to smaller ones like what to eat for dinner each day. Generally speaking, the court tries very hard to keep most day-to-day decisions out of the custody agreement. What happens during each parent’s visitation is their responsibility to handle as they see fit.

However, for larger decisions, a decision-making structure is outlined. These decisions are separated into four categories—religious, education, medical, and extracurriculars.

There are three primary types of decision-making structures— sole decision-making, sole decision-making with consulting, and joint decision-making.

In sole decision-making, one parent gets the opportunity to make all of the decisions (in a given category) without the other parent having any input or approval. Rather than having one parent in charge of all large decisions, each parent will have specific categories. For example, one parent will be in charge of medical decisions and the other will handle all education and religious decisions. Extracurriculars is the only category that is almost always joint, as there are financial implications for each parent.

Sole decision-making works very well in situations where the parents aren’t amicable, or there are abuse issues as it limits the number of interactions and the number of items the parents need to agree upon.

It is also possible to have sole decision-making with consulting. In this structure, the two parents are required to talk through any situation that arises, trying to find a way forward that they can both agree upon. Of course, it is possible that the parents will not agree on every decision. Because of this, one party does have the final decision-making power. However, they are required to consult the other parent and give them an opportunity to share their opinion.

Regardless of whether the relationship has remained amicable, most parents choose to move forward with joint decision-making. Neither parent typically wants to risk the other gaining sole decision- making power and, therefore, agrees to joint decision-making as a compromise. In joint decision-making, both parents must agree on the decision being made. If the parents can’t agree, they must attempt to find a solution through mediation. If mediation is unsuccessful, then either party can file a motion with the court and the court makes the decision for them. While the prospects of mediation and going to court may feel daunting, most parents find that they are able to agree on major decisions jointly without the need for mediation or court intervention.

Once the decision-making structure is settled, the second component of the custody agreement—visitation—is addressed. This complicated, and sometimes contentious, step will be explained in Sheridan Road’s September issue.

Michone Riewer is an attorney with Strategic Divorce in Lake Bluff, 847-234-4445, strategicdivorce.com.