HOW TO DIVORCE A NARCISSIST

An issue that has been coming up more and more in our practice, is the issue of divorcing a narcissist. We have had to become familiar, not only with the narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but with the strategies necessary to help our clients successfully navigate divorcing a narcissist.

Divorcing a narcissist presents unique challenges that differ from a typical separation. NPD is more than just selfish behavior; it involves an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and an overwhelming need to dominate. While only a small percentage of people have a formal diagnosis of NPD, many more display narcissistic traits, which complicates the divorce process for their partners.

A narcissist views divorce not as a mutual separation but as a battle to be won. They often manipulate, delay, and use tactics like gaslighting to maintain control, making the process emotionally and financially draining for their spouse and their children. Once the spouse finally gets the courage to divorce a narcissist, they often enter ready for a head-on fight, but this approach typically leads to extended conflict, increased stress, frustration, and ultimately exhaustion.

In these situations, it becomes essential to take a strategic approach that prioritizes freedom and peace of mind over “winning” every argument. Engaging an experienced attorney who understands narcissistic behavior is critical. We are able to anticipate the narcissist’s manipulative moves and prevent unnecessary legal delays. Judges and the court system can also be valuable in managing disputes, as narcissists tend to resist compromise. Court orders, pretrial recommendations, and judicial interventions can help ensure that the process moves forward, limiting the narcissist’s attempts to control it.

Maintaining clear boundaries throughout the divorce is another important step. Limiting communication to written forms, like emails or texts, not only provides a record of interactions but also reduces the opportunity for emotional manipulation. Narcissists thrive on emotional engagement, so staying calm and detached (the “grey rock” method) helps prevent the escalation further.

While narcissists often try to drag out the divorce by filing unnecessary motions and creating roadblocks, patience is key. Giving in to their demands to expedite the process may seem tempting, but this can come at the cost of your long-term well-being. Instead, maintaining a steady, patient approach ensures that you remain in control of the situation, without sacrificing your future.

Finally, it’s essential to prioritize your mental health throughout the process. The emotional strain of divorcing a narcissist can be overwhelming, so seeking therapy ahead of filing for divorce and building a strong support network is vital for maintaining your emotional resilience.

Ultimately, the focus in divorcing a narcissist should not be on defeating them in every dispute but on regaining your freedom and protecting your family’s future. Narcissists will rarely admit defeat, but with the right strategy and the use of judicial tools, you can move forward with your life.

Michone J. Riewer is an attorney with Strategic Divorce in Lake Bluff, 847-234-4445, strategicdivorce.com.